Interesting to see how quickly time passes.   In November of 2010, I went to Israel - and my life changed.  It was incredible. I had some plans for my life for when I got home but God met me there, and interrupted everything.

                              

It's been hard to imagine how quickly the days have gone since then.  

I'm exploring life, and enjoying the journey.   There are moments that I think back to the plans that I had and wonder if I should have just kept on that path but I wouldn't trade certain moments of this last year for anything either.

Each of us gets to make choices for our lives and those choices have consequences.  People join us for a season, and then leave us as well.   Friendships are treasured.  But friends too, decide who they want you to be .... and sometimes, you are just not what they want, and they put pressure on you to change or move on.

And that's okay too.

I'm just going to be me, and I'm enjoying that immensely.

Since then, I've been to India and had my eyes opened to yet another part of the world.   Beautiful people, in a crazy hot climat, and so much to see and do...

The world is a beautiful place, endless possibilities...

But home is best.

It's nice to be known and loved for who I really am.  I'm thankful for my friends and family.   For those who stumble upon this blog again, I wish you peace, love, joy, and hope.   May you find your own happiness.

Shalom :)

All Saints Day

I have enjoyed following the liturgical calendar for many years. But I'm finding new meaning today in the celebration of the Eucharist and the note on the calendar that declares this day as a celebration for all saints - for the known and unknown who are now at rest.

On a day when I'm reading about the lives of precious women and men of God, and how they committed themselves to following the Way, I'm pressed again by how easy it is to be consumed with our daily mundane lives.

And I wonder how the saints lived in the small moments of their day. Were they feeding the sick and tending to the poor, as Blessed Teresa of Calcutta? Were they reading the scriptures and pondering on their meanings? Did they simply look up from tending the chickens and cows to notice the changing of the seasons? Did they leave those simple tasks to make their way to a church or a small grove, and offer up their songs of praise to the Creator of Heaven?

And then, as quickly as my mind lingers onto such lofty thoughts, with a sip of coffee, and a 'ping' on my computer, I'm consumed by the mundane and busyness of daily life.

Perhaps contemplation is best left to those who do not find technology so amusing :)

So, in an effort to make today a bit more productive, between finishing some laundry and writing a few emails, I'll try to find some good walking shoes and also try to take in an evening mass.

Humble prayer, hopefully. And a celebration, with thanksgiving, in the communion of the saints - on a special day of their remembrance.

May we pray for unity and also for renewal in Christ. Amen.

Time to start again

Hello all :)

It's interesting to see how quickly the time goes. Last year had so many incredible changes for me. I am also realizing how contemplative I become when I'm going through changes and inner healing. I literally 'cocoon'. And when I realize that, then I smile and remember that I really should write and post some of the important moments along the way.

In the last year, I've changed just about everything, except for my home... and there are many long lists of unfinished projects with my home as well. Sorting through and eliminating SOME of the clutter is fairly high on that list. The only other constant is my love of Christ. And yet there have been many deeply painful and beautiful moments of growth with my understanding of His love for me.

It's been an incredible year. Overwhelmingly beautiful. Full of prayer, travel, fellowship, and friends. Including a couple of visits from dear friends who haven't minded the messiness of my home. It is so nice to be loved, even in the chaos of everyday life.

Thank you Sandra - for finding this blog and leaving an encouraging comment. Through you, I'm reminded again of the little promptings that have become louder and louder to 'start again'.

And so - here it is, my first post in over a year.

I am thankfully emerging from my cocoon. My wings are still a little wet, but they will dry, and soon, I will fly again.

Blessings all!

A regular Sunday.

It's been a very wet summer. It was a nice way to wake up, listening to the rain. Smelling the breeze. Actually, I could almost taste it. My backyard is in full bloom with butterfly bushes and lavender. My roses are still managing though I've neglected them this year, and the Rose of Sharon my mom planted has pretty purple flowers. I breathed in the deep fragrance of summer before I stumbled into my day.

There is much work to be done around the house, both inside and out. So I needed to make a decision - spend Sunday with music in the background at home or head out to church. I decided to go to worship with friends, rather than stay alone.

It is good to be missed by friends. A phone call came earlier in the week from someone who had been wondering where I'd been, asking if I was okay. One person seemed concerned whether or not I was still alive. It really hasn't been that long, perhaps a month since I was at this particular service. Storms kept me home one weekend, I was travelling on another, and for another I was simply too tired to make the drive safely.

Anyway - today, I ventured out. And before I could even get in the doorway, I was greeted by friends who came quickly to hug me. (I needed that!) Two had mentioned that I had been deeply on their hearts this week and that they had been praying. (I needed to hear that too).

Today was also a day for singing! The worship team is always an interesting mix. It usually starts out relatively organized, but it quickly changes to a free form that is sometimes very raw, and often quite organic. I like that ... today, in the quiet... a couple of friends and I started to sing a different song than the one from the front... and then everyone joined in... we 'hovered' there for several minutes... and then more worship, a couple of hours or so...

The lesson today was from John 8. Straight forward, and much of the scriptures were directly quoted. The service ended with corporate and individual prayer and many hugs.

Many of the regulars are still enjoying 'brunch' at a nearby diner. I decided to come home instead. I am grateful to see these friends again, but I'm very tired. And the regular household chores need to be done (trust me, it's really the minimum I can get by with). Dishes from last week are still sitting in the sink. I have some plants sitting in a glass on my counter that need to be planted... and of course, I need clean laundry for work.

It's just a 'regular' Sunday.

But it's been a great one.

Remembering Krakow

Greetings...

It's been a while since I last posted. I always have a lot that I could write and post in a space like this, but it's finding the time. Work is busy, and my life seems busier all the time, though I also doing less and less it seems. But I did manage to take a special trip this year, and my heart continues to process the many images, ideas and sounds I heard, as I made an unanticipated pilgrimage to Krakow.

My travels often take me to new places, both physically and spiritually. I'm deeply thankful to have walked the roads I've stumbled along this year.

In May, I visited friends in the Czech Republic. They are precious people serving God in an adopted home. I am honoured to have been invited into their day-to-day living, and see anew how they have stepped into their calling. (I hope to post more on that another time).

But that journey to dream with some friends... led me 'home' in many ways as well. My roots are from Poland. I was able to connect with a distant cousin and attended mass in a beautiful part of old town Krakow. My heart will never be the same.

I was home...

With people I never knew and will never know. With words spoken in a language that I don't know, but sound too familiar... there were many moments in the mass that I found myself responding, not in English, but whispering in unison with those in attendance.

I've dismissed that as simply the power of unity in prayer... of somehow picking up on the rhythm and heart of those I worshipping with. But something, deep within my spirit... whispered to me in those moments as well... a quiet knowing, that I didn't know what I was saying, but at the same time... I did.

I wondered later if I simply remembered the words from the earliest days of my childhood...attending mass with my mom, before we were able to attend Sunday school.

Maybe.

What I know, is that for a moment, I loved the city and its people. And I was changed.

I am changed every time I encounter Jesus (as it should be).

And, I absolutely love it when those moments happen in church! More and more, I'm being drawn to witness the beauty in old parishes... and I love to see those who continue to gather in deep respect and humble prayer towards our Lord.

That day in Krakow, I saw many beautiful people attending mass. It was a first confirmation for many -- little girls dressed in white gowns...boys all clean cut... even the ones with tussled hair and families scrambling to get a seat before the priests came to the main altar....

The city was alive! Yes there were tourists everywhere, and the crowds of folks just getting to and from the shopping areas, and students milling about between university classes....but I saw, thanks to a new friend... so many people offering themselves, and receiving the Host. It brought me such joy to see that.

There were dozens of churches within walking distance of the main square. I must have walked into six or seven of them while mass was being offered. Ornate cathedrals, even the 'little' side churches along the way.... some full, some nearly empty, but in all of them I found souls who were humble before Christ.

I needed to see that. I know the reports are that the church in Poland is in decline, but I didn't notice. What I saw were the faithful, gathering and praying. Kneeling. Confessing. Singing. Worshipping....with trembling lips, and bowed hearts. It was beautiful.

Each day of that trip was a blessing. Each day, was full of beautiful people - some closely walking with and loving Jesus.... some still searching...others fully caught up in their own way of life. It was glorious and beautiful. And a reminder that 'home' is not always where I expect it to be.

I haven't managed to sort through pictures yet. In time perhaps. But here is an image of something that made me smile. I love the story... and the day I was there was sunny like in this video... and the bird chased around the spires for hours...

A lazy start to a Saturday...

It's a lazy Saturday so far, but the swirl of family life has consumed me again. I have always been fairly sensitive to events going on near and far, to my general surroundings, and to the emotions of others.

In different seasons, my heart is numb - and often I prefer those seasons, but today, I'm feeling everything it seems.

Some of the news articles catching my attention include:

- the pictures of the flood near Jakarta, including graphic imagery of the toll again in human life (I would hop on a plane if I could to help with the clean up)
- a memorial from speakers corners in my hometown, saying goodbye to Martin - a homeless man who tugged on the hearts of so many
- the cresting waters the Red River
- the curious scurry of attention towards 'earth hour'

It is also interesting to watch the tides in the financial waters these days, but my heart and mind are drawn towards the suffering of those who have forgotten about the economy for a while.... And yet, the tidal waves cresting in the financial streams continue to threaten others possibly with as much force as hit those near the dam in Jakarta.

Closer to home, one brother is recovering from a lifetime battle with an addition. His health seems to be slowly improving as he crawls out of the pit he made for himself. In his words to me this morning, he's actually ready to start living his life, looking forward to it, rather than just waiting for death. His choices have cost him dearly in the past, but he choices now are bringing new life and new hope. And my dad, is still faithfully helping him step by step. He's an elderly man now, but the gentleness that has come into him shows me grace like I've never understood it.

As this story of recovery is happening, another brother is facing a divorce after 20+ years. His wife isn't' happy, and she is just moving on. She has bought a new house and is pushing for him to sell the one they had built together. It seems all quite sudden to him. No time for counselling, no time to even let their kids finish out the school year in their present home. She's made a decision to get on with the rest of her life, and everyone is needing to fit around her plans. Clearly the story is yet to unfold as to how they got to this point, and how they will recover. But the flood of emotions is high for everyone involved. It's not the way marriage is supposed to be...but it is too frequently the case. And today, I'm feeling the trauma of that in a number of ways that are surprising, even to me...

As I slowly got up, after connecting with family, I was trying to shake off certain feelings - trying to find a bit of hope in my heart, I took a shower, and thought it was time for a bit of fresh air in this place. So, I opened up the window in my bathroom. I had expected to see the sun, but at least it made me laugh as i pulled open the blinds. I didn't immediately see the sunshine that I'd been expecting. About 40 house flies were suddenly grouped on the little screen - blocking that fresh spring air. Seriously. It wasn't hard to kill the ones on the inside of the screen... they moved quite slowly... I just hadn't been in a 'killing mood'... and it wasn't how I'd planned on starting my spring cleaning this morning.

But that's how it often goes doesn't it? We do what we need to do, when we need to do it, even when we are tired and hoping for something different...

And our response... well it's our response. We can choose how we will respond. Just like my brothers must choose their steps, I will choose mine too.

Today, I choose to pray with those who are grieving. I will hold them close, at least in my heart. I will hope and encourage those who are taking difficult steps towards a new life. I might have to kill a few bugs along the way. But I'll look for the sunshine, and fresh air. I will anticipate the lilacs and lillies that will soon bloom. And even as I say goodbye to some friends who are heading out on a new journey, I'll start taking a few new wobbly steps of my own.

Spring is coming.

Tulips will peak through the frosts.

And then again, there will be roses.

fire pour down....

This song continues to echo throughout my days. It is the cry of my heart, but I also pray that it is the cry of the church.

Do you know Jesus?
Do you spend time with him?

Do you know people in whom he resides?
Do you spend time with them?
Do you love them?

Do you spend time loving those who have yet to touch the flame? What causes you to relent?

Do you know what causes me to relent?
Will you relent if you know?

Jesus asks him to know him...
and I'm thankful that He never relents.

He seeks our hearts until they are fully restored.
Mine, yours... Jim's, Joe's...
the lady at the coffee shop...
the guy on the street corner...
the couple walking their dog...

His passion is full and complete.
His passion isn't given into silence.
He loves us,
Relentlessly.

Psalm 103.